questio in tenebris
by car1na30manning
Summary: Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn’t going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn’t be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn’t worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else...


Kylo wished that he could just get a break, but that wasn't going to happen. Especially under Snoke. Kylo knew that being under his tutelage would be something that was going to break him in the end, something he wouldn't be able to handle in the slightest. He wasn't worthy of the chance he got to learn and to perform, to be able to use magic and not be spat on by everyone else that didn't have it, who weren't cursed with being different.

He worked to be worthy one day, because he knew that if he really stretched himself far enough, he would earn the approval that he needed and so desperately craved. That made sense to him. He reminded himself that he wasn't worthy every morning, and worked to be worthy as he performed in front of more people and watched them marvel at things he could do and respect him.

He loved it.

_

Magic was something that wasn't illegal, but it wasn't exactly looked at as something to be admired and revered by most people. And that's why Rey was kicked out of her home at the age of eight, left to die in the streets because of something that she couldn't change. She didn't learn most of the things that she could do because she was more focused on staying alive. For some time she spent time doing hair, doing up their long tresses and getting by with the measly tips that the rich gave her.

She grew up skinny, her hair just in three buns. She wore ill fitting clothes that were the color of sand, and she was cold half of the time. But she was not bitter, because at least she was still alive.

She learned how to suppress her powers and live amongst people, even though she could be so, so lonely. She was alive. And she knew one day that that feeling would go away, hopefully. Now she was in a flat with Finn, someone who was about just as well off as she was, but they made it work together. The both of them had their secrets too, but Finn didn't know Rey's. Finn brought men home in secret, and even though Rey knew, she knew that it was better that she just turned a blind eye.

She kept his secret and he never asked her about any of her secrets. "Are you having a good morning?" Finn asked her one morning. The both of them were sitting in the dining area, Rey sipping at her tea and trying to wake up. It was incredibly cold inside but there wasn't much in the way of things to warm them out.

"It always is," Rey smiled. Finn sat down on the opposite side of her, sipping at his own cup for the longest time. The two of them often sat in silence, but it was the one time where Rey didn't feel so alone. These days they were both working as hard as they could and could barely afford the place they were both living in together. That meant that Rey didn't get to see the person that Rey deemed her best friend.

Still, Rey tried to stay grateful. She would do hair for royalty and for the middle class, anyone who was generous enough to get her a job. She even helped Paige, a seamstress with an upcoming shop, but the pay wasn't nearly as good as the ones from her other clients. Rey was someone who was naturally gifted with things such as makeup, hair, and clothes, and if she thought about it enough, it was probably due to her magic trying to find a way to push itself out there that Rey excelled in such thing.

It was hard however to stay grateful on days where she did not have any work to do, but Finn had to go away for the day. It was cold this day but Rey roamed the streets, in search of entertainment that wouldn't cost too much money.

There wasn't much in the way of that, that was until she heard whispers in the street from the rich. Talking about some sort of tent that was set up in the middle of nowhere, full of curiosities and freaks that were fun yet atrocious to look at. Rey wasn't sure how she felt about that, but she followed the whispers anyways.

She found a tent of red and white, it was immaculate, despite the smoke that inhabited London and the rest of the UK.

It had this weird draw to it that Rey couldn't really explain, but she went in anyways. It was a different place, one that seemed so enigmatic and strange. Rey sat amongst the crowd of people as someone came out, calling himself the Ringmaster.

He had dark raven black hair and was so, so tall. He spoke with an American accent and Rey wondered if this type of thing was typical in America. He spoke of wonders and atrocities and then spoke of himself, a freak of nature as well. He had magic.

Rey saw the crowd ooh and aah and wished that her parents had treated her like this when she was found out to have magic. Instead, it was with shunning and cruelty. But she supposed that was just the hand she had been dealt. The Ringmaster made fire appear out of thin air, and Rey blinked, not sure what to do or what to think, but the enchantments and theatrics began, and everyone loved it. Including Rey.

She wasn't sure that was what she wanted to feel about that. The fact that they just accepted the magic that was displayed in front of them, but when they went out into a real world setting, they decided to hate people that were different than him.

Everyone left but Rey still lingered along the circus tent grounds for a minute, thinking about the man that she saw. She left after awhile, but she still wished that she talked to him.

Kylo had been surrounded by tons of people that were cursed with magic and it's price. He knew their signatures well. There was one that watched him in the crowd that night, but her signature was much different.

_

It was overpowering really, a pulsing force that radiated outwards despite how contained it was. He caught a glimpse of her as she left. She was repressing her magic, he could tell.

Something about this bothered him, even though that girl was a stranger. He felt her now, even when she left hours ago. Something told him they would meet again.


End file.
